When was the last time you told a ‘white lie’ — and do you think it was the right thing to do?
We’re told honesty is the best policy. But some psychologists say certain lies actually help us — they call these ‘pro-social lies.’
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Pro-social
Protects feelings
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Antisocial
Harms trust
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Workplace
White lies at work
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Even Animals!
Koko the gorilla
Not all lies are created equal — let’s find out which ones might actually be OK.
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Skimming Task ⏱️
Read the article quickly (90 seconds). Answer three questions:
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WHO?
Which researchers or characters appear in this article?
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WHAT?
What are the two types of lies discussed?
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HOW / WHY?
Where do these lies appear in everyday life?
✅ WHO: Robin Dunbar (Oxford), Larry Rosen (psychology professor), Pamela Meyer (TED speaker/author), Koko the gorilla |
WHAT: Two types — pro-social lies (helpful, protect feelings) vs. antisocial lies (harmful, break trust) |
HOW/WHY: Social media, workplace, relationships, and even animal behaviour
Section One
Two Types of Lies
Is dishonesty always wrong? Robin Dunbar says it depends on the type.
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Paragraph 1 — Introduction
We often hear “Honesty is the best policy,” and no one likes to be called a liar.But is dishonesty always wrong? Not necessarily, according to some psychologists.
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Paragraph 1 — Introduction
We often hear “Honesty is the best policy,” and no one likes to be called a liar.But is dishonesty always wrong? Not necessarily, according to some psychologists.
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Paragraph 2 — Dunbar’s Two Types
According to Oxford University psychologist Robin Dunbar, there are two types of lies: lies that help your relationships and the people around you, and lies that hurt them.Bad lies are lies that harm people; Dunbar calls these antisocial lies.Good lies are lies that make people feel better; Dunbar calls these pro-social lies.
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Paragraph 2 — Dunbar’s Two Types
According to Oxford University psychologist Robin Dunbar, there are two types of lies: lies that help your relationships and the people around you, and lies that hurt them.Bad lies are lies that harm people; Dunbar calls these antisocial lies.Good lies are lies that make people feel better; Dunbar calls these pro-social lies.
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Paragraph 2 — Dunbar’s Two Types
According to Oxford University psychologist Robin Dunbar, there are two types of lies: lies that help your relationships and the people around you, and lies that hurt them.Bad lies are lies that harm people; Dunbar calls these antisocial lies.Good lies are lies that make people feel better; Dunbar calls these pro-social lies.
✅ Antisocial lies = harm people | Pro-social lies = make people feel better |
Source: Oxford University psychologist Robin Dunbar
Section Two
Pro-Social Lies
From Facebook likes to compliments — white lies that protect feelings.
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Paragraph 3 — Social Media
How often have you clicked “Like” on Facebook, not because you actually like the picture of your friend’s lunch or the cat video your cousin posted, but because you want to show your support?Psychology professor Larry Rosen says that we do this to show our friends that we have good intentions.This white lie is an example of a pro-social lie.According to Rosen, it’s similar to saying “Yes” when someone asks, “Do you like my new shoes?” You’re lying not to hide a secret or to protect yourself, but to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.
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Paragraph 3 — Social Media
How often have you clicked “Like” on Facebook, not because you actually like the picture of your friend’s lunch or the cat video your cousin posted, but because you want to show your support?Psychology professor Larry Rosen says that we do this to show our friends that we have good intentions.This white lie is an example of a pro-social lie.According to Rosen, it’s similar to saying “Yes” when someone asks, “Do you like my new shoes?” You’re lying not to hide a secret or to protect yourself, but to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.
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Paragraph 3 — Social Media
How often have you clicked “Like” on Facebook, not because you actually like the picture of your friend’s lunch or the cat video your cousin posted, but because you want to show your support?Psychology professor Larry Rosen says that we do this to show our friends that we have good intentions.This white lie is an example of a pro-social lie.According to Rosen, it’s similar to saying “Yes” when someone asks, “Do you like my new shoes?” You’re lying not to hide a secret or to protect yourself, but to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.
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Paragraph 3 — Social Media
How often have you clicked “Like” on Facebook, not because you actually like the picture of your friend’s lunch or the cat video your cousin posted, but because you want to show your support?Psychology professor Larry Rosen says that we do this to show our friends that we have good intentions.This white lie is an example of a pro-social lie.According to Rosen, it’s similar to saying “Yes” when someone asks, “Do you like my new shoes?” You’re lying not to hide a secret or to protect yourself, but to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.
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Paragraph 4 — Antisocial on Social Media
But when people tell lies on social networks to make their own lives seem more exciting, or to make others jealous, this is antisocial lying.It doesn’t bring friends closer, but instead creates negative feelings.
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Paragraph 4 — Antisocial on Social Media
But when people tell lies on social networks to make their own lives seem more exciting, or to make others jealous, this is antisocial lying.It doesn’t bring friends closer, but instead creates negative feelings.
✅ Pro-social on social media: Clicking “Like” to show support — not because you genuinely like it |
Antisocial on social media: Lying to make your own life look more exciting or to make others jealous
Section Three
Lies at Work
From small compliments to destructive cover-ups — the workplace is full of lies.
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Paragraph 5 — Workplace Lies
Workplace lies range from small, harmless lies to complete and destructive fabrications.An example of a pro-social workplace lie is complimenting someone on their presentation — even though it was only average — because you know they were nervous beforehand.In this case, your intention is simply to protect your colleague’s feelings.However, people sometimes tell bigger lies at work for the purpose of avoiding blame or to stay on the boss’s good side.If your boss asks how a particular project is going and you say it’s going well when it isn’t, that’s an antisocial lie. It’s antisocial because your boss is likely to discover the truth, and as a result, will probably stop trusting you.
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Paragraph 5 — Workplace Lies
Workplace lies range from small, harmless lies to complete and destructive fabrications.An example of a pro-social workplace lie is complimenting someone on their presentation — even though it was only average — because you know they were nervous beforehand.In this case, your intention is simply to protect your colleague’s feelings.However, people sometimes tell bigger lies at work for the purpose of avoiding blame or to stay on the boss’s good side.If your boss asks how a particular project is going and you say it’s going well when it isn’t, that’s an antisocial lie. It’s antisocial because your boss is likely to discover the truth, and as a result, will probably stop trusting you.
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Paragraph 5 — Workplace Lies
Workplace lies range from small, harmless lies to complete and destructive fabrications.An example of a pro-social workplace lie is complimenting someone on their presentation — even though it was only average — because you know they were nervous beforehand.In this case, your intention is simply to protect your colleague’s feelings.However, people sometimes tell bigger lies at work for the purpose of avoiding blame or to stay on the boss’s good side.If your boss asks how a particular project is going and you say it’s going well when it isn’t, that’s an antisocial lie. It’s antisocial because your boss is likely to discover the truth, and as a result, will probably stop trusting you.
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Paragraph 5 — Workplace Lies
Workplace lies range from small, harmless lies to complete and destructive fabrications.An example of a pro-social workplace lie is complimenting someone on their presentation — even though it was only average — because you know they were nervous beforehand.In this case, your intention is simply to protect your colleague’s feelings.However, people sometimes tell bigger lies at work for the purpose of avoiding blame or to stay on the boss’s good side.If your boss asks how a particular project is going and you say it’s going well when it isn’t, that’s an antisocial lie. It’s antisocial because your boss is likely to discover the truth, and as a result, will probably stop trusting you.
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Paragraph 5 — Workplace Lies
Workplace lies range from small, harmless lies to complete and destructive fabrications.An example of a pro-social workplace lie is complimenting someone on their presentation — even though it was only average — because you know they were nervous beforehand.In this case, your intention is simply to protect your colleague’s feelings.However, people sometimes tell bigger lies at work for the purpose of avoiding blame or to stay on the boss’s good side.If your boss asks how a particular project is going and you say it’s going well when it isn’t, that’s an antisocial lie. It’s antisocial because your boss is likely to discover the truth, and as a result, will probably stop trusting you.
✅ Pro-social workplace lie: Complimenting a nervous colleague’s average presentation — protects feelings |
Antisocial workplace lie: Telling your boss a project is going well when it isn’t — boss discovers the truth → loses trust
Section Four
Relationship Lies
Pamela Meyer: not all deceptions are harmful — some keep relationships strong.
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Paragraph 6 — Pamela Meyer / Partner Lies
Author and TED speaker Pamela Meyer agrees that not all deceptions are harmful.If your partner asks, “Do I look fat in this?” the best answer is probably “No,” even if it means stretching the truth.And many experts agree that for married people, keeping some secrets is completely healthy — as long as the secrets don’t hurt anyone.
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Paragraph 6 — Pamela Meyer / Partner Lies
Author and TED speaker Pamela Meyer agrees that not all deceptions are harmful.If your partner asks, “Do I look fat in this?” the best answer is probably “No,” even if it means stretching the truth.And many experts agree that for married people, keeping some secrets is completely healthy — as long as the secrets don’t hurt anyone.
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Paragraph 6 — Pamela Meyer / Partner Lies
Author and TED speaker Pamela Meyer agrees that not all deceptions are harmful.If your partner asks, “Do I look fat in this?” the best answer is probably “No,” even if it means stretching the truth.And many experts agree that for married people, keeping some secrets is completely healthy — as long as the secrets don’t hurt anyone.
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Paragraph 7 — When to Be Honest
Of course, there are some things you should always tell a partner about: the loss of a job or a major health issue, for example.These could affect the future of both people, and living a lie is a bad idea in these cases.
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Paragraph 7 — When to Be Honest
Of course, there are some things you should always tell a partner about: the loss of a job or a major health issue, for example.These could affect the future of both people, and living a lie is a bad idea in these cases.
✅ Pamela Meyer: “Do I look fat?” → a small pro-social lie; keeping secrets in marriage is healthy |
BUT: Major issues (job loss, health) must be shared — they affect both people’s futures
Section Five
Even Animals Lie
Koko the gorilla and human babies — deception is hardwired into nature.
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Paragraph 8 — Animals, Children & Conclusion
Deception is also a significant part of the natural world, so it’s little wonder we resort to it almost reflexively.Koko the gorilla learned to understand 2,000 words in English and to communicate using sign language. Occasionally, she’s used this amazing language ability to lie.Human babies sometimes pretend to cry, check to see if anyone is listening, and then start crying again.By the age of five, children learn to say things that are completely untrue, and most nine-year-olds have mastered keeping secrets to protect themselves.As adults, we live in a world where we hear 10 to 200 lies from the people around us every day.Lying can be incredibly harmful to our relationships and to the people around us. But that’s only true for antisocial lies. Pro-social lies have the opposite effect — they can actually help us. Through pro-social lying, we can show our online connections that we support them, keep our professional relationships positive, and make our partners and loved ones feel happy and confident.
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Paragraph 8 — Animals, Children & Conclusion
Deception is also a significant part of the natural world, so it’s little wonder we resort to it almost reflexively.Koko the gorilla learned to understand 2,000 words in English and to communicate using sign language. Occasionally, she’s used this amazing language ability to lie.Human babies sometimes pretend to cry, check to see if anyone is listening, and then start crying again.By the age of five, children learn to say things that are completely untrue, and most nine-year-olds have mastered keeping secrets to protect themselves.As adults, we live in a world where we hear 10 to 200 lies from the people around us every day.Lying can be incredibly harmful to our relationships and to the people around us. But that’s only true for antisocial lies. Pro-social lies have the opposite effect — they can actually help us. Through pro-social lying, we can show our online connections that we support them, keep our professional relationships positive, and make our partners and loved ones feel happy and confident.
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Paragraph 8 — Animals, Children & Conclusion
Deception is also a significant part of the natural world, so it’s little wonder we resort to it almost reflexively.Koko the gorilla learned to understand 2,000 words in English and to communicate using sign language. Occasionally, she’s used this amazing language ability to lie.Human babies sometimes pretend to cry, check to see if anyone is listening, and then start crying again.By the age of five, children learn to say things that are completely untrue, and most nine-year-olds have mastered keeping secrets to protect themselves.As adults, we live in a world where we hear 10 to 200 lies from the people around us every day.Lying can be incredibly harmful to our relationships and to the people around us. But that’s only true for antisocial lies. Pro-social lies have the opposite effect — they can actually help us. Through pro-social lying, we can show our online connections that we support them, keep our professional relationships positive, and make our partners and loved ones feel happy and confident.
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Paragraph 8 — Animals, Children & Conclusion
Deception is also a significant part of the natural world, so it’s little wonder we resort to it almost reflexively.Koko the gorilla learned to understand 2,000 words in English and to communicate using sign language. Occasionally, she’s used this amazing language ability to lie.Human babies sometimes pretend to cry, check to see if anyone is listening, and then start crying again.By the age of five, children learn to say things that are completely untrue, and most nine-year-olds have mastered keeping secrets to protect themselves.As adults, we live in a world where we hear 10 to 200 lies from the people around us every day.Lying can be incredibly harmful to our relationships and to the people around us. But that’s only true for antisocial lies. Pro-social lies have the opposite effect — they can actually help us. Through pro-social lying, we can show our online connections that we support them, keep our professional relationships positive, and make our partners and loved ones feel happy and confident.
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Paragraph 8 — Animals, Children & Conclusion
Deception is also a significant part of the natural world, so it’s little wonder we resort to it almost reflexively.Koko the gorilla learned to understand 2,000 words in English and to communicate using sign language. Occasionally, she’s used this amazing language ability to lie.Human babies sometimes pretend to cry, check to see if anyone is listening, and then start crying again.By the age of five, children learn to say things that are completely untrue, and most nine-year-olds have mastered keeping secrets to protect themselves.As adults, we live in a world where we hear 10 to 200 lies from the people around us every day.Lying can be incredibly harmful to our relationships and to the people around us. But that’s only true for antisocial lies. Pro-social lies have the opposite effect — they can actually help us. Through pro-social lying, we can show our online connections that we support them, keep our professional relationships positive, and make our partners and loved ones feel happy and confident.
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Paragraph 8 — Animals, Children & Conclusion
Deception is also a significant part of the natural world, so it’s little wonder we resort to it almost reflexively.Koko the gorilla learned to understand 2,000 words in English and to communicate using sign language. Occasionally, she’s used this amazing language ability to lie.Human babies sometimes pretend to cry, check to see if anyone is listening, and then start crying again.By the age of five, children learn to say things that are completely untrue, and most nine-year-olds have mastered keeping secrets to protect themselves.As adults, we live in a world where we hear 10 to 200 lies from the people around us every day.Lying can be incredibly harmful to our relationships and to the people around us. But that’s only true for antisocial lies. Pro-social lies have the opposite effect — they can actually help us. Through pro-social lying, we can show our online connections that we support them, keep our professional relationships positive, and make our partners and loved ones feel happy and confident.
✅ Koko: Learned 2,000 English words + sign language — occasionally used it to lie |
Children: Fake crying at birth; untrue statements by 5; keep secrets by 9 |
Adults: Hear 10–200 lies per day |
Conclusion: Only antisocial lies are harmful; pro-social lies actually help relationships
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Language Point 1
Semicolons for Classification
A) “Bad lies are lies that harm people; Dunbar calls these antisocial lies.”
→ semicolon joins two related independent clauses (define + name)
B) “It doesn’t bring friends closer; instead, it creates negative feelings.”
→ semicolon + conjunctive adverb (instead) — logical contrast
C) ❌ Full stop would work but loses the tight logical link between the two clauses
D) RULE: Use semicolons to link two closely related independent clauses —
especially when the second explains or names the first.
In “Bad lies are lies that harm people; Dunbar calls these antisocial lies,” the second clause names what the first clause defined. The semicolon signals: “these two ideas are one logical unit.” A period would suggest they are separate thoughts; a comma would be a comma splice error. The semicolon is the only punctuation mark that correctly shows this tight classification relationship between defining and naming.
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Language Point 2
not…but (Correction Structure)
A) “You’re lying not to hide a secret or to protect yourself, but to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.”
→ not X but Y = corrects expectation; tells reader what the TRUE reason is
B) “Pro-social lies don’t harm relationships, but strengthen them.”
→ same structure with a verb form
C) ❌ “Not lying, but telling truth” → grammatically parallel but logically reversed
D) RULE:‘not X, but Y’ corrects a false assumption.
X = what readers might expect; Y = the reality.
The structure “not X, but Y” is a contrastive correction. In the text, Larry Rosen pre-empts the reader’s assumption: “You might think I am lying to hide something selfish” — then corrects it: “No, I am lying to protect you.” This rhetorical move shifts the moral weight from the act of lying to the intention behind it. It is the linguistic engine of the whole pro-social lie argument. Note that X and Y must be grammatically parallel: both infinitives here (“to hide / to avoid”).
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Language Point 3
Infinitive of Purpose
A) “People tell lies to show support / to avoid hurting feelings / to protect themselves”
→ infinitive = purpose (answers WHY they do it)
B) “Governments implement policies [in order] to ensure equal distribution of wealth”
→ in order to is more formal; to alone is common in writing
C) ❌ “People tell lies for showing support.”
→ gerund after for; infinitive preferred for purpose after action verbs
D) RULE: Use infinitive (to + V) to express purpose after action verbs. In order to = formal writing; to alone = standard.
The infinitive of purpose is one of the most versatile structures in academic and professional English. Notice how the article uses it repeatedly to explain motivation: “to show support,” “to protect yourself,” “to avoid hurting someone’s feelings,” “to stay on the boss’s good side.” Each time, the infinitive clause gives the WHY behind the action. Compare: “She smiled” (no purpose) vs. “She smiled to reassure him” (purpose clear). This structure is essential for argument writing where you must explain why something is done.
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Lesson Complete
Through pro-social lying, we can show support, keep relationships positive, and make loved ones feel happy.